


I'm No Hero

by Areeta9



Series: Violet: Master of Chaldea [3]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Okeanos - Freeform, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Insert, hero - Freeform, post 3rd singularity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22389985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areeta9/pseuds/Areeta9
Summary: After restoring the third singularity, Violet, the Master of Chaldea struggles with her growing panic at the enormous task she must undertake to save humanity.
Series: Violet: Master of Chaldea [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589119
Kudos: 11





	I'm No Hero

_ *GASP!* _

Violet’s eyes shot open for the third night in a row. She was laying on her stomach on a stiff bed covered by a thin sheet. Though she had been asleep just moments before, her muscles were tense and she was gasping in a cold sweat.

“Not again,” she whimpered in the darkness of her room.

Or could she really call it her room? It had none of the lilac walls, stuffed animals, or thick comforter of her bedroom in America. It didn’t have the reassurance off her parents’ and sister’s room being but a few feet away. In fact, her parents and sister were dead, burned to a crisp, just like the rest of humanity.

She rolled over so that she was lying on her back.

_ ‘When will the nightmares stop?’ _ she thought desperately.

For three nights in a row she had been plagued by the memories of her servants. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence; it had first began when she summoned Jekyll, her first servant besides Mash, and there were many nights where she would get a glimpse of her servants’ memories. However, ever since returning from Okeanos and confronting the second demon pillar, every night has been nightmare after nightmare.

She looked at her hands. Her eyes had already adjusted to the darkness and when pulled up close she could see them. Though her hands were clean, she saw flashes of bloodstains on them. Beyond her palms were flashes of bloody battlefields with not-yet dead men moaning and begging for comfort as they lay dying in the mud. Violet blinked and the scene changed to a village on fire as the survivors, mostly women and children wept. She blinked again and the scene changed to a person, she didn’t know who, dying in arms that were hers and yet not. They stared at her as they shuttered out their final breath and their blank, empty gaze bored into her soul. As these images flashed through her mind, she could smell the acrid stench of blood as death and despair filled her thoughts.

She slammed her hands back down onto the mattress and felt herself begin to hyperventilate. She couldn’t pinpoint whose memories those were. There were too many servants, too many wars, too many tragedies to choose from. What she hated about seeing her servants’ memories were that unlike regular dreams, where one could wake up and within moments forget what they had dreamt, was that the memories were so visceral, so real, that they lingered in her mind long after she had woken up.

She pulled herself out of bed. This was bad. Her heart was racing. Her breathing was getting erratic. The image of bulbous, twitching red eyes and a black tentacle shaped body seemingly made of human corpses kept flashing in her mind, fading in and out of sight and getting closer and closer with each pulse. Violet felt a mix of fear and revulsion as the image became too vivid for her to take. Tears bubbled up in her eyes, she wanted to scream. Were these the things she was supposed to defeat? Was she the one that was supposed to fight these things? All 72 of them?! And not only them, but their leader!

Her nails dug into the palms of her hands.

_ ‘Nonononononononononononono!’ _ her mind screamed.

She dashed out of the room barefoot and dressed only in a thin nightgown. She pounded the hallway without a thought as to where she was running to, only that she needed to run.

She dashed through the hallways taking no notice of its cool air and chilly floor and meeting nobody to question her flight. She didn’t stop until she ran out of breath. She leaned the wall gasping for breath. She could feel the sweat forming heavily on her now.

She looked around, everything was blurry. She was still unfamiliar with many parts of Chaldea and she had run quite a distance from her room. She had no idea where she was. She didn’t even know if she was still on the same floor.

She continued to look around through blurry eyes to assess her surroundings.

_ ‘Ah!’ _ she thought as she spotted a long rectangle of gray on the wall.

She stepped towards it and placed her hand against the frigid glass of the window. She couldn’t see it but she knew the blizzard that blocked Chaldea from the outside world was still blustering, making the outside world into an empty field of grey and making it feel like Chaldea was the only place in the world.

_ ‘Only place in the world, it’s the only place left!’ _ she thought bitterly as she leaned against the window sill.

“Senpai? What are you doing here?”

Violet jumped a bit and turned in the direction of the voice. She squinted in attempt to see better in the darkness. “M-Mash?” she asked.

“Yes, Senpai. Sorry to startle you. What are you doing so far away from your room? Did you come to get water too?” she asked, sidling up to the other girl with a cup in her hand. She was in her pajamas as well, but they were noticeably thicker and she was also wearing a hoodie and slippers.

Violet wiggled her toes and rubbed the section of her arm that had against the glass. She was going to be cold soon too.

Violet had taken a bit too long to answer. “Is there something wrong Senpai? You’re sweaty and you’re not wearing your glasses,” observed Mash.

The question made Violet flinch. Her emotions welled up inside her, but she held them back. Mash may have accompanied her to three (four if you count Singularity F) singularities but they hadn’t known each other for very long, only a couple of months at most. They were friends: Mash was a likeable girl, Violet enjoyed her company, and there are only so many life or death situations you can survive with someone without you considering them a friend. However, Mash was a  _ light _ friend, not exactly someone felt comfortable venting to, especially when it came to emotions she wasn’t even comfortable with.

“Senpai?” Mash asked. 

Violet realized she had been silent too long. “I’m fine,” she lied, turning to look out the window.

“Are you worried about something ,Senpai?”

“No,” she lied again. The guilt began to build in her. She hated lying.

Mash wasn’t convinced. Violet’s shoulders were tense. “How are the dreams? Have you spoken to any of the servants about them recently?”

Violet’s shoulders tensed further.  _ ‘Why would I want to speak to them about it?! It’s because of them that I keep on having these nightmares! Why couldn’t someone else contract with them so that it would be their problem?!’  _ she whined internally. _ ‘Oh, right. It’s because everyone more qualified to do it is either dead or in stasis on verge of death!’ _

Violet was starting to get riled up. “No,” she said in a low voice. She wanted nothing more but to end the conversation and walk away but she didn’t know the way back to her room. She wished Mash would stop asking questions.

Mash continued talking. She couldn’t help but feel that her senpai’s presence that night was unusual and required resolution.

“I can’t believe someone would do this,” she said, staring out the window. “Incinerate all of humanity, I mean. Why would Solomon do this? Why would he kill so many people? Does he hate humanity that much? Men, women, children, all of them dead. How could he be so cruel?”

Mash fell silent. She thought of all the books and movies from the outside world that Dr. Romani had shown her. It had been a beautiful world outside of Chaldea, a world full of people living their lives and fulfilling their desires, good and bad. She desperately wanted to be amongst those people, to befriend them and experience life as they did.

Violet made no sound.

“We have to save them, Senpai,” the girl said with an absolute conviction. 

Something in Violet snapped.

“I can’t do that Mash! It’s too scary!” she confessed

She turned to her friend, desperate for her to understand her cornered feelings. 

“I want to run away but there’s nowhere to run to! I’m the least qualified person to do this! I’m not a fighter. I’ve never had to fight for a single thing in my life! I’m not a hero!” Violet exclaimed.

Mash looked at her senpai with wide eyes at her sudden, and out-of-character outburst before recovering quickly to try to reassure her.

“Not a single one of us could be here without you. Without you humanity wouldn’t even have a fighting chance!” replied Mash.

“Some chance I am!”

“Senpai! I know you’re scared, but in the flames, when I was about to die, YOU are the one who took my hand. YOU are the one who stayed by my side despite how scared you were. Why did you do that Senpai?!” Mash shouted.

Violet sniffed. She spoke slowly, trying to compose herself to explain. “I just felt, I feel, that...If I am there and someone needs help...and it is within my ability to comfort or protect someone...I should do it the best I can”

Mash grabbed both of Violet’s arms. “Okay Senpai. If that’s what you believe, I want you to put those thoughts and words into action. Humanity from past, present, and future, countless people, need help...and right now, you can help them. You can help ,Senpai. You can save humanity. You are 100% capable. I believe in you Senpai. Romani believes in you. Da Vinci believe in you. The staff believes in you. The Servants believe in you, that’s why they’re here. You can do this ,Senpai, and I’ll be with you the whole way.”

“Ugh…” Violet let the tears flow freely and began to sob. Mash pulled the older girl into a firm embrace. She held her until her body stopped shaking and the sobs devolved into sniffles. 

“It’s okay ,Senpai. I know you’re scared, I am too, very scared, but we can do this ,Senpai. Together we can do this.”

Mash rubbed her back and offered her friend some of her water. Violet took it gladly and finished the glass.

Mash walked the girl back to her room and helped her back into bed. She pulled up a chair by her bedside. Without asking, she grasped Violet’s hand as she lay in bed. She didn’t want the girl to be alone when she felt like this. 

Violet looked at her, the gesture was unusual to her but with tear-stained cheeks she accepted it gladly.

Mash heard her murmur something, probably a prayer, before the girl slowly drifted off to sleep. Mash resolved to stay there until morning.

Violet was still scared of the task she was meant to undertake. She still didn’t feel like she could save the world. But in that moment, she knew that she at least had someone she could confide in, someone who would speak against her craven instincts and self doubt, and for that she was grateful. 


End file.
